


Antithesis of Salvation

by fuon



Category: Gunnerkrigg Court, Homestuck
Genre: Crossover, Drama, Fandom Secrets Secret Santa 2013, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, SBURB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 05:49:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1103142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuon/pseuds/fuon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Question: What is a sure-fire distraction from moping? Answer: Two realities brushing together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Antithesis of Salvation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [insanenoodlyguy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/insanenoodlyguy/gifts).



> This was written for the [Fandom Secrets](http://fandomsecrets.dreamwidth.org/) community's Secret Santa Exchange in 2013, for [insanenoodlyguy](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Insanenoodlyguy)!
> 
> Alternate Title: 
> 
> IN WHICH THE PROTAGONIST UNDERGOES EMOTIONAL TURMOIL AS A CONSEQUENCE OF SEVERE ABANDONMENT ISSUES BORN FROM AN UNUSUAL CHILDHOOD WITH A DISTANT PATERNAL FIGURE, THE PREMATURE LOSS OF THE OTHER PARENTAL FIGURE, A LACK OF SOCIALIZATION WITH OTHER CHILDREN AND A LAX ENFORCEMENT OF RULES AND DISCIPLINE, AND MORE RECENTLY AS A CONSEQUENCE OF HER MOIRAIL FILLING HER OWN RED QUADRANT AND UPSETTING THE FINE ACT OF DENIAL THE PROTAGONIST HAD BEEN BUILDING TO PROTECT HER HEART AGAINST THE PAIN OF LOSS, CATALYZING THE EVENTS OF THIS STORY. THE PROTAGONIST THEN MAKES TEMPORARY CONTACT WITH ANOTHER UNIVERSE, FAILS SPECTACULARLY AT SAVING A LIFE, CONTINUES TO VACILLATE BETWEEN QUADRANTS IN HER BUDDING FEELINGS FOR AN AUTHORITY FIGURE, RECEIVES A GOD'S BLACK-TINGED BUT MOSTLY QUADRANT-DEFYING FLIRTATIONS, AND UNKNOWINGLY COMMITS PALE INFIDELITY AS SHE CLUMSILY TRIES TO FILL THE EMOTIONAL VOIDS IN HER LIFE. AS THE STORY PROGRESSES SHE MAKES A STRING OF TERRIBLE DECISIONS, ENDANGERING HER HOME AND EVERYONE SHE LOVES, AND THE DAMAGE THE PROTAGONIST AND THE CHARACTERS AROUND HER SUFFER AS A CONSEQUENCE OF THE NON-EXISTENT EDUCATION ON ROMANTIC QUADRANTS ON EARTH PARALLELS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HUMANITY AND NATURE, AS EVIDENCED IN A MICROCOSMOS OF THE ARCHETYPICAL STRUGGLE BETWEEN THE TWO AFOREMENTIONED FORCES, AND THE DISASTERS THAT ARE MANKIND'S ATTEMPT TO PLAY GOD AND A GOD'S ATTEMPT TO PLAY MANKIND. CONTAINS SCENES DEPICTING: ONE PALE EMBRACE, A TEARFUL RUPTURE, AND ONE PALE KISS.

Annie stared morosely out of the window of the train, watching the sprawling buildings and roads of the Court. Her eyes lacked the telltale sting of tears, and she took a little pride in that. Looking at the grays and browns, at all the empty streets ( _but so full of life, of a kind, how did she never notice before -- what other things had she been blind to?_ ), it really did seem endless, and Annie wished she could still hold on to the childish notion that she and Kat would be able to explore it all someday and discover its true origins.

And that was the heart of the matter, wasn't it? It was pure childishness to see the world as a static thing: large and full of endless wonders, where every little discovery and secret would be still waiting for her to go to them, and where relationships would endure for her to share her excitement with. Hadn't she learned this lesson already?

She tried to tell herself that this was natural, that this changed nothing, that other people with other friendships remained friends after dating, _obviously_ \-- one need only look at the Donlans and Mister Eglamore, for example, whose relationships had only grown and matured with them. ( _Her mind then very cheerfully pointed out that there had been other students posing with them in that picture._ )

Frowning, she shoved the thought aside and concentrated on thinking of nothing in particular.

She came back to full awareness when the train stopped. Stepping off onto the station, she let her feet dictate her path, leaving her mind free to wander. The feeling of restlessness that had gripped her at the sight of her best friend with Paz hadn't left her entirely, but she could breathe a little easier now, far away from the scene.

When she drew to a stop in front of the room with the cherry tree, seemingly hours later, she asked herself what would it be like to live in a world with a Kat-shaped hole in it.

She almost went inside to bask under the fake light and climb the tree like she and Kat had done years ago, but decided against it. That memory was too special to sully it with this.

She was settling down to rest against the door for a while, for lack of a better thing to do, when she heard a beeping sound down the hallway. Shrugging it off as one more normal noise in a place of technological research, she tried to ignore it so she could return to her not-brooding.

Much to her frustration, the beeping continued -- and perhaps it was her imagination, but it sounded more insistent with each iteration. She let her head thunk softly against the door and huffed out an annoyed little breath. Couldn't she get a little moment to herself, here?

The beeping sounded again.

...Although, she supposed she could look forward to plenty of time alone in the near future, so what was a little postponing while she went and investigated the source of the noise?

She got up and made her way over to the noise -- which was sounding more and more like an alarm or notification of sorts -- and found it to be coming from a room behind a slightly ajar door. There were no plaques bearing a purpose for the room, nor signs to keep out, so Annie went in without an ounce of hesitation.

It looked like a regular small office, with filing cabinets and bookshelves -- nothing special, considering there were plenty of those all around the school building. The beeping was coming from a computer on the desk, the only real thing of note in the room. Annie walked over to it and sat down on the chair. She didn't exactly deal much with computers, beyond the schoolwork they used them for in class, but she could at least recognize a chat program.

The program's window blinked and the beep sounded again.

She read the text on it, and found it to be the tail end of a very one-sided conversation:

"r u still there?"

"no rly hurry up! the meteors are falling closer each time!"

"im running out of time here bro!"

"liam answer me now!"

"oh my god im going to die"

"fuck you man, fuck you and fuck the horse you rode in on"

Annie had no idea who "liam" was or what was this about meteors, but it sounded like this person was in trouble. Deciding that if someone's life was in danger, then her impoliteness at barging into a (written) conversation -- and the impoliteness of the other party's language -- could be overlooked.

 _Are you in danger?_ she typed and "sent" the question.

"liam oh thank god"

"yes you asshole i'm in danger!"

"the fucking meteors, remember?? for fucks sake"

 _Well, that is just rude_ , she typed, frowning. _I am not Liam_ , she confessed, _but I'm here to help if I can. Please explain the emergency._ She paused before she clicked on the "send" button, and added. _Are you here at the Court?_ If this person was somewhere nearby, she might as well stop wasting time and head over there herself to save them.

She got an eloquent "what" in response.

And then a more elaborate "what is the court."

 _Gunnerkrigg Court?_ tried Annie.

"never heard of it. where's liam? who are you"

Well, there went her easy solution.

 _My name is_ , she wrote and hesitated. Should she really give her name to a stranger? She rapidly went through a mental list of fake names. _Adam._ That was better, wasn't it? _I don't know who or where Liam is; this office was empty when I came in._ And because the thought kept nagging at her, _What was that about meteors? Why is your life in danger?_ She then hurried to add, _You made it sound like an emergency. Is there anything I can do to help?_ She couldn't remember ever typing so fast in her life! She almost wanted to pat herself on the back.

For a worrying moment there was no reply.

 _Hello? Are you still there? Are you all right?_ Had she chased them off? Had they died?

At last the text returned and Annie let out a breath of relief she hadn't known she'd been holding.

"damn"

"okay adam, looks like youve gotta step in for liam"

_Excuse me?_

"i sent him the file a while ago and he was gonna install it. do you see anything saying SBURB around the computer screen?"

Annie clicked on the "minimize" button of the chat program but saw no such thing. She opened the program again to answer, _No, sorry. Does this have to do with the meteors?_

"holy shit forget about the meteors, the meteors are old history"

Annie blinked. _Are you sure? You sounded rather harried._

"look yes there are meteors falling all over but if you dont get the server program running." The person abruptly changed the topic and ordered instead, "look around in the downloads folder".

Annie felt a tad silly digging around the computer at the behest of a stranger, but gamely played along and found the folder with the 'SBURB' file.

_Found it. Now what?_

"just double click it to install it"

"and hurry up for gods sake"

Annie hurried up. An elaborate circular geometric figure popped up in the screen, while bits of text flashed rapidly beneath. Annie thought she spied a "Shrinking Wormholes" amongst them, but she wasn't certain she hadn't just imagined it. A progress bar was filling in bursts and spurts. When the bar finished filling, it and the geometrical figure disappeared, and a bright green logo of what looked like a fractured house with a chimney took its place, with the word "SBURB" beneath it, in the same green color.

After a moment, the logo disappeared and a new window appeared, this time showing a person inside a messy bedroom, impatiently moving from the window and to a computer and then from the computer back to the window, over and over. The person, a dark-haired young man who couldn't be much older than Annie herself, stopped his back and forth to type something at the computer.

Annie leaned forward in interest and squinted at the screen, startling badly when the same beep from before made a return. When she opened the chat program a new message had appeared.

"is it done"

Realizing it was a question, she started typing, _Yes, I think so. Is it supposed to show me_ \-- Annie froze as the dots connected themselves inside her mind. She quickly erased the text she'd written and replaced it with, _Tell me, are there cameras in your bedroom?_

"what"

 _What kind of program is this?_ she typed angrily and sent the message before the other person could get a word in edgewise. What kind of sick joke was this? Was this some perverted exhibitionist? Annie felt her temper flare and had to pull her hands away from the keyboard and the mouse to keep from breaking something. Should she just get up and leave now to report this incident? It seemed like the sort of thing that had to be brought to attention, for the security of the younger students, or in case the Court's network was compromised in some way--

"no that's how the program works," Annie managed to read through the haze of her anger.

"that's my bedroom", the text continued. The nerve of this ruffian! How could he be so calm and chipper about this, as if showing random girls his bedroom was--

"now hurry up we need to deploy all those thingamagics to stop these meteors"

Wait, what?

"the guide said so"

"i mean it was incomplete but everyones swearing up and down its the best on gamefaqs"

Annie was too overtaken by confusion to continue being angry.

The young man then proceeded to tell her the most alarming story about a new and exciting "suburban simulation game" and how "its wrecking everyones shit but apparently if you can beat the timer and get in the game you avoid the meteors".

 

 

 

 

 

 _And several people decided to play this game, despite knowing of its risks beforehand?_ She asked in between dropping a loo's sink on an imp's head. The young man, "just rob will do", collected the jewels the being dropped upon its disintegration, before smashing another one of the game's enemies in the face with his baseball bat until it disappeared too. The hallway momentarily cleared of enemies, he pulled out his sleek mobile phone to answer her.

"well, the beta only came out, so only journalists and stuff had played before"

 _Surely someone would have noticed the meteors smashing houses of videogame journalists, then?_ Annie logically pointed out. At first she'd had her doubts about this not being a particularly twisted prank, but when the boy went outside the non-existent cameras followed him -- which could have been evidence enough by itself that something supernatural was happening -- and Annie saw for herself the craters of the meteors that assailed his hometown, along with the glimpses of other meteors landing in the distance, more frequently each time. That had convinced her there wasn't time enough to get anyone else ( _There was always astral projection, or she could start a fire in the hallway to catch the attention of the erstwhile Liam, or maybe some robots who could in turn relay the message... but what if those wasted seconds cost Rob his life?_ ), and so here she sat down frantically moving objects and deploying oddly named devices around Rob's house. Even now, she was still torn from running out to get Renard or Jones and show them what had to be etheric powers at work in _a commercial videogame_ , of all things.

( _'Kat would like to see this too, she loved videogames, she would be better at this,' was all she allowed herself to think on that front._ )

"you would certainly think so wouldnt you," was the non answer she received, which was fair enough, she supposed. Rob didn't seem to know much about the game beyond what the mysterious "gamefaqs guide" had told him and the hurried excited ramblings of his friends encouraging him to play with them. "no answer from Lisa or Jerry yet?" he asked.

_They're still "idle", I'm afraid._

Jerry was apparently the first of his friends to install the 'client' game and enter the Medium, and who was supposed to play 'server' to Liam, a worker of the Court who, much to Annie's relief, had fortuitously seen and answered Rob's hurried plea for help on a message board they both frequented, and did not in fact habitually play videogames with random youngsters in his spare time.

Lisa was the second person to enter the Medium ("its the game space proper, adam, the real deal. your house goes there", was the baffling description), and, along with Jerry, had gone radio silent minutes ago, prompting Rob to search for anyone to play 'server' for him and complete a "daisy-chain" with him and his friends.

"you know", the boy wrote before he ran over to the "Alchemiter" with his carved purple cylinder. The machine scanned the object, and produced in turn what looked like a leaf made of the same purple material. It looked incredibly fragile, but Rob picked it up with no problem. "i think this game must be glitched," he continued, "or maybe it's just my copy, because the gamefaq said the meteors countdown doesnt start until you release the kernelsprite, but mine did way before that and lisa and jerrys countdowns were normal".

All these very clearly made-up words were giving Annie a headache, but she stubbornly ignored it and pushed on -- they were almost done, and as soon as Rob made his prototype thing and entered the Medium, Annie would march out of the door and go get Jones so she could handle all this nonsense. There, plan formed. It was a good plan, and it didn't involve Annie playing frustrating computer games that altered reality and brought down storms of meteors (and Annie was sure they were _meteorites_ , anyway).

Although, credit where credit was due: this had very effectively taken her mind off the Kat problem. It didn't even seem like much of a problem anymore. They would be friends still, surely, and she wasn't going to lose Kat just because she was growing up and meeting other people. ...Maybe there was something to be said for the therapeutic properties of these computer games, after all.

"last time i pirate a game, i swear"

Rob returned to his bedroom and looked around, searching for something, until his sight landed on his bed. He approached it and got down to his knees to reach beneath it. He slid out a dusty cardboard box and sat back before he opened it with a reverence Annie hadn't believed him capable of.

Annie thought she could see various plastic figures and toys inside the box, but Rob moved them all aside to bring out an old stuffed bear. It was missing an eye and had burst seams on two of the paws. Annie thought back with a pang of nostalgia to the plush body Renard inhabited.

Rob reached for his phone and typed, "i know. don't laugh. it's for sentimental reasons, alright? it was a gift from my gran. besides, i dont want the enemies to launch rockets and fly like superman if i use one of the other toys"

 _No, it makes sense,_ she reassured him quickly. _I understand._ She thought for a moment. _I think I would do much the same thing._

"good," was all he wrote back before getting up to his feet and moving to stand before the kernel thing. He straightened his back and squared his shoulders for a moment, before releasing a sigh and tossing the bear into the glowing sphere floating above the machine.

Annie watched attentively as the kernel flashed and a ghostly, purple-outlined teddy bear's head appeared in its place.

_Did it work? Is that what is supposed to happen?_

"yes"

_What now? How do you enter the Medium? Do you use the leaf?_

Rob made a face and wrote, "i'm supposed to break it"

_Is that it?_

"yup"

_Then go ahead and do it._

Rob frowned and wrote, "okay, but what about you? i feel bad leaving you hanging here, and theres no word from those two conkerheads yet, is there?"

Annie checked the list of contacts on the chat program again. _No, still "idle", both of them. I'm sorry._ His concern was touching, though. _Don't worry about me, there are no meteors falling around here, so it seems like there is no time limit for me._ Not that Annie had any intention of playing this crazy game herself. Even if the parts of it that weren't mind-meltingly annoying seemed kind of fun.

There was also the unsettling notion that this game might have been the reason behind the disappearance of Rob's friends. Annie resisted the urge to ask Rob if he was sure he wanted to go through with it and jump into what was for all intents and purposes a different dimension -- there had to be another way to save Rob from the meteors. Maybe if she asked him for his address... And now she wanted to kick herself for not running to get somebody instead of sitting to play around in a computer; but she hadn't known that a meteor wouldn't land right on Rob's house while she was away, and that was a gamble she couldn't take in good conscience, right? What else could she--

A new reply stole away her attention. "yo, Adam, real talk here: thank you for doing this. you were a real champ. soon as you see jerry you tell him to hurry his skinny little ass and get you in too. okay. wish me luck!"

She looked to the game's window, which showed Rob holding up the purple leaf and positioning it in his hands to snap it in two. _Wait, before you go_ , she typed frantically, now knowing she wasn't doing the right thing in letting him go. Her fingers stilled when she felt an overwhelming dread fill the room, sending a shiver running down her back, and she knew before she looked that something had gone wrong.

She looked anyway.

The game provided no audio -- only the video from the not-really-there cameras.

The whole window had gone black, like a void.

_Rob? Did you enter the Medium? Are you all right? Please answer._

There was no reply.

 _If you don't answer within the next thirty seconds I'm going to leave._ This had gone on long enough. Annie counted to thirty, and when Rob still didn't respond, she counted to one hundred. All she got in return for her efforts was seeing Rob's internet handle ("riotinurpants") go from "online" to "idle". She jumped to a stand, shoved the chair out of her way, and ran out of the room.

 

 

 

 

 

"And you will tell me as soon as you know anything?" Annie asked and took another sip from her tea. She wasn't sure if she was a little jittery from the caffeine of three cups in a row or from the nerves. 

She'd told the gist of what had happened to Jones, and then the entire story, detail by excruciatingly detail, to both her and Miss Carols, the Court's officer who had been called over to investigate the incident. They'd taken notes of _everything_ : what had the game been like, what had she seen, what had Rob said and done -- Annie had almost bristled when they double-checked their written conversation against Annie's account, as if her word couldn't be trusted -- and then a robot had been called over to examine the computer itself.

There had been one tense minute when a frazzled-looking man arrived running to the room and stopped dead in his tracks when they all turned to look at him. It must not have been a pleasant experience, being stared down by a robot, an impassive Jones, an incensed Carols and a quietly-panicking Annie, but to the man's credit he collected himself together almost immediately and identified himself as the missing Liam.

"I, er, that is... I really, _really_ had to use the lavatory," he'd explained, a mortified blush blooming on his cheeks. "I thought he was just having me on with the story about meteors and games."

"Why did you answer his query in the message board, then, if you thought it a waste of time?" Carols had asked him, not amused by the situation in the least.

He'd mumbled an answer Annie couldn't decipher, and Jones had chosen that moment to take Annie out of the room, leaving the man to receive the scolding of his life for dawdling on a work computer. Annie didn't envy him his fate.

"I will share with you whatever information is allowed," Jones's voice brought her back to the present.The woman's face was as neutral as ever. "If the security of the Court is compromised, containment measures will have to be taken. Whether your curiosity goes unsated or not."

It was impossible to tell for certain what Jones was truly thinking at any moment, but Annie still wasn't convinced she was devoid of all emotions. Why would she care to keep the Court safe, or to obey the rules, or to even look out for Annie's own best interests, if she truly felt nothing at all?

Just because Jones herself didn't realize that she _was_ alive, that she had a heart in her own way, didn't mean it wasn't true. Annie thought back on the photographic album Jones had shown her, and briefly wondered who would be the next person Jones would tie her life to after Mister Eglamore eventually passed away, decades in the future.

Being immortal. She held back a shudder. She couldn't imagine living forever. ( _She did, however, have an idea of what it was to lose one person after another._ )

She looked at Jones, who was staring at her expectantly, or at least with as much expectancy as could be conveyed through a very slight raising of her eyebrows. As if summoned by that stare, the moment when Jones had laid her hand over Annie's, warning her about her reckless behavior, sprung to her mind, intrusive and vivid.

Jones's hand had felt warm -- one wouldn't have known she wasn't human from her touch alone.

Feeling oddly exposed, Annie blinked and hoped she hadn't been giving Jones some sort of funny look when she thought that.

"I understand. Thank you," she said diplomatically and drained the tea cup of its last contents. The computer experience hadn't left her completely, but on the back of her mind, she could feel the nascent stirrings of an idea, giving her a direction to act, to move in. She needed to get up and do something, instead of sitting still drinking tea, no matter how pleasant Jones's company could be as of these days.

So.

If she couldn't find out what had happened with Rob and his reality-breaking game through official channels ( _and here she spent a moment to be grateful that Jones at least tended to be honest with her, unlike many people she knew_ ), then she would have to go through _unofficial ones_. And she knew just the person who could help...

 

 

 

 

 

"No." Jack Hyland's voice left no room for argument. He frowned at her, not quite glaring, and shifted uncomfortably against the courtyard wall, his hands clenched inside his pockets.

"A life might be in danger!" Annie protested, trying not to pace back and forth over the concrete flooring of the outdoors lunch area -- currently empty but for the two of them and free of any eavesdroppers -- and failing. "If they catch you--"

" _When_ they catch me," he deadpanned.

"--I will them I made you do it, that you aren't to blame." If she'd learned anything from Coyote, it was that the best lies were spun from the truth. "You just need to hack into--"

"No," he said again.

"Please." She made a small pout at him. Just because he didn't fancy her didn't mean that she couldn't appeal to his softer feelings, right?

Jack just gave her a look that said 'I'm onto you, stop it'.

Annie huffed. "Fine. I understand that you don't want to take this risk. Thank you for hearing out my petition, at least," she said with a soft smile.

"Eh, I can see why you would think of it. I _did_ go into that mad hacking spree." He grinned crookedly at her. "Don't worry about it." His expression turned serious. "Annie, whatever you do... be careful."

Sometimes she _really_ didn't like how well Jack could read her. She matched the serious tone. "I will."

She said her goodbyes and walked away, reconsidering her options: if she couldn't get directly into the Court's files of the ongoing investigation ( _There was Kat, Kat could do it, her robot friends could do it, no problem_.) ( _They were drifting apart, and to bother her with something that could get her in trouble... no, better not. Not Kat. Never endanger Kat._ ), then she would have to be a bit more oblique about this.

 

 

 

 

 

"So there _definitely_ have been no massive meteor or meteorite impacts anywhere on Earth today? No large objects falling or anything strange like that?"

"Nothing at all," Robot confirmed after returning from his consultations with the other robots. "May I ask why?" His metal face was inexpressive, but combined with Shadow's own quizzical look, his confusion came across plainly enough to Annie.

She contemplated evading the question, but Robot did come through, and _they were friends_ , and she'd had enough of friends keeping secrets from each other lately. ( _The image of Kat's homework passed briefly through her mind. She determinedly ignored it._ ) "It happened somewhere -- the meteors, I mean -- so I'm trying to find out where."

It was not a particularly good answer, but Robot nodded acceptingly and Shadow looked thoughtful.

This at least told her something: Bob had somehow connected through the internet _from another world_ , and that was a lead, if nothing else.

 

 

 

 

 

It was getting late, the sky taking on the indigo shades of twilight, but Annie couldn't return to her room yet.

 _It's not running away_ , she told herself as she looked through the library's index cards by the light of her blinker stone. _Cosmic Theory_ , perhaps? Where would she even start when researching other dimensions? This wasn't like the ether -- well-researched and studied at the Court. Was it even another dimension? What she saw of Rob's house was too similar to Earth to be anything else. She stopped riffling through the cards as a new thought occurred to her.

What if it wasn't another world, but, somehow, another time? Wouldn't it be easier, anyway, to travel through time than to travel across dimensions?  
Rob could have been in the future, and that would explain the lack of meteors in the past and present and the nonchalance he displayed at a videogame that altered matter with the click of a computer mouse's button. Adding to that, the young man hadn't mentioned dates nor had she spied any calendars or newspapers, and perhaps it wasn't too far into the future, which explained his unchanged English. And technology did advance exponentially compared to other forms of progress, so of course most of his house's objects had looked awfully mundane.

The more she thought about it, the more it made sense.

She closed the card's drawer and made her way out of the library. There wasn't much she could learn about time travel from the books here, at least not anything she could put to practice herself, and she would be lying to herself if she thought she could even understand the theory... assuming there were any books lying around here expounding on the topic to begin with. If the Court was researching the possibility of time travel (very likely), they would keep a tight lid on any real information surrounding it.

Besides, she had only been after possible hypotheses -- points where she could begin. Her work here was done.

And if she took the most circuitous route ever to her room and became flooded with relief upon seeing that Kat had fallen asleep already... well, no one was around to see.

 

 

 

 

 

 _Please stop looking at me like that_. She didn't dare voice it, so she thought it twice as hard. Since Kat and Renard had not acquired the ability to read her mind overnight, their glares persisted. She opted for a meek, "You were asleep, I didn't want to wake you up."

" _I_ was still awake last night," Renard informed her, in his plush form for added sass. Had he been? She hadn't noticed -- she'd tip-toed her way to her bedroom to avoid attracting his attention; and it'd worked somehow. Now she knew she hadn't fooled him at all. He sighed and shifted back into a wolf... which made things worse, as he looked more severe and it made his next words take on a solemn air. "I was worried sick about you -- Katerina and I both -- but you must have been exhausted if you went straight to bed without waking up either of us." Oh, guilt-tripping. It wouldn't work so well if she didn't already know he was right to be disappointed in her.

"I'm sorry," she apologized automatically, buying herself time to decide _what_ exactly to apologize for first. "I know I shouldn't have run off like that..." That seemed like a good start.

It must have been the right ( _or terribly wrong?_ ) thing to say, because as soon as she said it, Renard threw a meaningful look at Kat -- which made Kat bite her lip and worriedly look off to one side -- and excused himself from their room, leaving the two girls alone.

Annie couldn't remember the last time the air between her and Kat had been this awkward. Had they ever truly been awkward around each other, for that matter? Kat had been angry at her, definitely, and nervous, once or twice, but never awkward.

She hadn't noticed the shift in their relationship, but now, every single little action took on a different light -- weighting more, somehow. A simple misstep could drive away Kat forever, and this had been in the brewing long before Paz, Annie realized with a start.

"Annie?"

The problem had never been Kat.

"Are you okay?"

The common factor every single time had been Annie herself.

"You look pale, Annie--"

She'd always known, but she'd hoped--

"Okay, just sit down here -- good, good, I'll go get--"

"I don't want to lose you," she blurted out and pulled her gaze upwards to look at Kat's face.

The girl's expression transformed from a look of concern to one of confusion, and then shifted into one of genuine shock. "Wha?"

"I--" _I love you._ No, she would take that the wrong way, so soon after Paz. "You are the most important person in my life, Kat," Annie confessed in a whisper. Kat looked attentively. Annie swallowed and said in a slightly louder volume. "And we're drifting apart, you and I." And because she didn't want there to be any misunderstandings: "I don't begrudge you your relationship with Paz. I'm happy for the both of you, truly." She forced a smile which she hoped conveyed the truth of her statement. "It's not-- I'm not even jealous, not really. But I realized... someday I'm going to lose you, Kat." _And it's going to be me doing the pushing away._ Her throat felt constricted, but the tears she feared didn't come yet. "And there's nothing I can do about it." Her voice had dropped to a whisper again, and her vision blurred at last.

"Oh, Annie..." Kat moved to sit down next to her on the bed, and before she knew it she was being hugged tightly, with Kat's head resting against Annie's. "You are never going to lose me," she promised. "Never."

"You don't know that," Annie protested. She sniffed and asked, "What if I do something to make you hate me again?" She could see it happening: She would do something or say something unacceptable again ( _the homework, the worksheets; what the hell had she been thinking, but it was too late to stop, the teachers would realize something was up if she started turning in poor assignments or stopped doing them at all, and she couldn't ask for help_ now _, why did she have to ruin everything?_ ) and it would finally be one blunder too many and Kat would at last acknowledge that she was wasting her time with Annie, that there were plenty of wonderful people out there who were better company than her, people who didn't make friendship difficult and got into trouble all the time. Paz had only been the catalyst.

"Again?"

Annie was quiet for a moment. "Remember Alistair?"

"Yes?"

"Sometimes I do these things..."

"Annie..." Kat smiled and put a hand over hers. It was cool and pleasant. Annie felt silly and unpresentable with flushed face and tear-stained cheeks -- her make-up had to look a ruin. "It's okay." Annie opened her mouth but Kat beat her to it. "I mean, that was weird, but I've acted weird too, tons of times! Look, we all make mistakes," she reassured her. "I can't hold something like that against you, not when you've always been there for me -- you even helped me say goodbye to Alistair!" Kat's face took on a sort of sad but joyful edge. "Imagine that: never getting to say goodbye. And it was all thanks to you, Annie."

Annie looked at her friend's trusting face and weighed it against her own conscience. She found herself lacking.

Her face scrunched in apprehension and she said, "Kat, I haven't been entirely honest with you." Her heart was beating madly against her ribcage.

Kat, for her part, only looked confused at first. As Annie confessed, the confusion transformed into surprise, then disbelief, and finally into a betrayed sort of anger.

"You _what?_ "

"I'm so sorry," she said, knowing as it left her mouth that it was nothing more than an empty platitude.

"But- I- How long-?" Kat's face fell and her anger gave way to disbelief again as she tried to process the magnitude of what Annie had done. She shook her head. "Why-" her voice cracked and she brushed a hand through her short black hair. She breathed loudly, swallowed and tried again, "Why didn't you tell me you needed help? You know I wouldn't have minded having study sessions with you." A smile stole across her face, there and gone again in a blink. "We could have made a thing out of it!" she laughed out.

Annie stared in horror as her friend then started giggling hysterically. It wasn't until she saw the tears streaming down her cheeks that she recognized the sobbing for what it was.

"Leave," she choked out, not looking at Annie anymore, but waving a hand vaguely in her direction. "Just... leave me for a moment, Annie; I- I need to- Just go. I can't-" She covered her mouth with a hand.

She didn't get to comply with Kat's desires, because the girl left the room herself instead, apparently having had too much of Annie's presence to wait one second longer.

Annie didn't blame her.

 

 

 

 

 

Curled up against a white wolf on a large cushion in a room surrounded by bookshelves and bookshelves of books, a young red-headed girl cried and trembled for hours. The wolf nuzzled her and silently kept guard.

 

 

 

 

 

"Classes start in less than an hour," Jones observed coolly from her desk in her office. Annie looked at her from the doorway and let the woman's calmness wash over her, lending her strength to solidify her own façade.

"I know, but this is important Forest business -- I must talk to Coyote as soon as possible," she lied and hoped it was convincing enough.

Whether Jones bought the lie for even a moment, Annie would never know, but after a while of staring at her intently, she nodded and got up from her desk chair. "I will accompany you myself, in that case."

Annie struggled to keep her face still at that, but not still enough to give away how much she would have preferred to leave alone.

The two walked in silence, deftly avoiding everyone on their way out.

 

 

 

 

 

"Where is Annie?" Kat rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, and looked again around Renard's room. Her eyes had not deceived her the first time; Annie wasn't there.

"She said she wanted to take the day off, clear her head." Renard tilted his head. "I imagine you were thinking much along the same lines yesterday, were you not?"

"Yeah... I just- Yeah." Kat knew herself: she had been angry and hurt enough that she could have done or said something she wouldn't be able to take back afterwards, so she'd left to cool down.

It just... It _hurt_. She'd always been the nerd, the teacher's pet, the person who got top marks and whose parents were the teachers and everyone had always disliked and resented her for it. Annie had been the first person her age who hadn't cared about any of that, who had wanted to be Kat's friend just for Kat. And then for her to turn around and take advantage of her trust...

It wasn't even the cheating -- it was the _lying_.

Regardless, she still wanted to talk things out with Annie, but when she'd heard her sobbing in Renard's room, she'd decided to leave her be, at least for that day.

Better to air out all their feelings after they'd had enough time to work through them separately, she'd thought.

But now she feared she had been wrong -- Annie disappearing had rarely led to good things in the past. "And she didn't say where she was going?"

"No." Damn. "But knowing her, she probably headed to the Forest." True, that.

Again: damn.

 

 

 

 

 

Ysengrin stared them down from the shadows, creepily lurking behind the trees, as he was wont to do. Annie smiled at him with fondness and turned back at Jones. "It's all right," she said, "I'll be fine." She couldn't have Jones hear what she wanted to talk about here.

The woman looked slightly down at her ( _Annie remembered when they'd been a little farther apart in height. Had it really been so long since they met?_ ), not looking particularly convinced.

"Really!" She insisted. "Someone tries to pick a fight with me, Ysengrin and I'll show 'em what for!"

"That is not what I'm worried about," Jones said. "But you are no longer my student, and your decisions have always been yours to make." Her face shifted minutely. "Remember that your actions have consequences for many others besides you, Antimony." She looked at Annie for a moment longer, then at Ysengrin, and without another word she turned and left.

Annie watched her walk steadily down the bridge, her figure growing smaller and smaller the farther she got, the lights from the overhead lamps making her take on a surreal air once she was past the halfway point, before she was too far to be seen anymore.

Feeling that something momentous was about to take place -- a common sensation in Gillitie Wood --, Annie turned and walked over to Ysengrin, careful of the loose branches and rocks littering the ground, and felt warm inside when he wordlessly offered her his arm to climb him, as used to be their custom before Ysengrin went mad.

She knew ( _thought, hoped_ ) she was doing the right thing.

"Could I ask you something?" she voiced tentatively as they went farther into the forest. "It might not be... It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, but--"

"Out with it," he growled.

"Does Renard have any friends left in the Forest?"

Ysengrin stiffened and stopped moving altogether. Annie immediately worried she'd made a grave mistake. She was _relatively_ certain she could protect herself with her fire long enough to return to the bridge if Ysengrin went berserk again and tried to attack her, but she didn't want to test it.

He started moving again. After a while, he gritted out, "Coyote," as though it pained him. "And some idiots might miss him."

"Enough that he would be happy living here?" she tried.

"Not enough for him to return."

Annie went silent.

She'd given Renard permission to return to the Forest if he wanted to ( _She didn't think Ysengrin knew that, though. Did he?_ ), but he'd chosen to stay with her instead. And Coyote insisted that Annie was the only reason Renard stayed at the Court.

Did Renard have friends of his own at the Court? She would have to ask him.

But first, Coyote.

 

 

 

 

 

"Anemone!" That was suspiciously close to her real name -- should she be warier than usual? "What a surprise! What brings you to my humble abode?" Coyote leaped down from an outcrop and trotted over to her, gleefully invading her personal space to wrap himself around her neck and shoulders. "Did you miss me? Were you helpless against the cravings of your heart?" His grin got a little wider -- she could see all his teeth, up close and personal. "Just say the word! Name your desire, and good ol' Coyote will see it come true!"

Did he know what she was here for, already? She gulped and reconsidered for a moment. She had only Renard left, who'd promised to stay with her no matter where she went, to support her no matter what... but would he really be happier here than at the Court?

There was no point in stalling. She was too nervous to try, anyway. "What if -- hypothetically speaking, of course -- I wanted to come live at the Forest?"

Coyote froze in his position. His smile slowly flattened and he looked at her like he'd never seen her before in his life. Then, carefully, he spoke, "Hypothetically speaking, I would be honored to welcome you to my home, of course." The smile he gave her next was stuck somewhere between uncertain and excited, as if he couldn't believe what she was saying.

Annie chanced a look at Ysengrin. He looked petrified, with his eyes open wide and his jaw hanging open.

"What about you, Ysengrin? Would you be fine with that? With me living here?" Ysengrin wasn't stupid -- he would put two and two together and know that she would try to bring Renard too, after the questions she'd asked on their way here. She hoped he understood that she was asking if he would accept him too, because she didn't want to say anything regarding Renard to Coyote before she knew for certain that he would be willing to come along with her. Coyote got kind of... weird, where his "cousin" was concerned. Although, for all she knew, he probably knew everything already, what with him being connected to everything in Gillitie Wood.

Well, if he wouldn't say anything, then neither would she.

"...Yes," Ysengrin said at last, looking very seriously at Annie. "Yes, I would be fine with that." He frowned. "But, are you certain this is wise? You have a life at the Court, your studies and your friends. Would you be willing to give that up? Will you severe all ties, and abandon your duties?"

"What duties?" She huffed and felt Coyote shift against her skin, but he remained in place. "I don't really have to study there--" Her father might be upset that he'd paid for studies she wouldn't fulfill, but-- "and I'm a Medium for the Forest, not for the Court. And..." Renard would most likely come, and that was enough. "And this _is_ what I want," she said firmly, partly trying to convince herself, partly searching for any truth in her words. She found fear and excitement, which she supposed would have to suffice.

"Hmm." Coyote slithered off of her and came to stand before her, his haunches facing her and his neck elongated and curved backwards, letting his head hang upside down above his back. "Excellent!" he exclaimed with a grin. "We'll have to make arrangements for you -- Oh, we will have _so. Much. Fun_ \-- A party! A welcoming party! Yes!" He twisted and pranced one way and another, doing frankly painful-looking contortions with his body, as he jumped from one train of thought to the next.

She interrupted him, "I have to go get something at the Court right quick first."

He all but ignored her, "Oh? Yes, yes, you go and do that -- Ysengrin, accompany her ou-- NO, WAIT! You go and tell everyone the good news, I will accompany her! NO, WAIT, _**I**_ want to tell everyone the good news--!"

"I'll see myself out," Annie proposed, amused.

"I'll go with the girl," Ysengrin offered.

Coyote continued ignoring them and ran off, cackling and rambling about preparations.

Ysengrin offered her his arm again, sensibly pointing out that he could move them faster than she could walk.

When they reached the edge of the forest, just before they left the cover of the trees, he gently stopped her from getting off of him. "Antimony." He paused, searching for the right words.

Annie waited patiently to hear what he wanted to say.

"You are certain," he stated.

"Yes."

"This is not a light decision, to be made on a whim--"

"I swear it isn't." She found as she said it that it was true. She had entertained the idea several times before, but yesterday had been the final push she needed to make this decision.

She didn't belong in the Court -- she'd never had. She had never felt freer, or more comfortable in her skin than in the last summer, running between trees, swimming in lakes and climbing branches one day, meditating with Ysengrin the next, telling Coyote stories and learning to manipulate the Ether another...

She hadn't been much good as Antimony Carver, Queslett student of Gunnerkrigg Court; but she thought she could thrive as Antimony Carver, Medium of Gillitie Wood.

"Very well." His acceptance made the whole affair sound final, like the conclusion of a story. The idea wasn't as foreboding as Annie would have thought.

"Thank you for understanding." Before she could think better of it -- and before he could think to stop her -- she kissed the top of his head. Ysengrin's ear twitched, but he didn't protest the gesture.

Things were looking up, after everything.

 

 

 

 

 

"Where were you?" The soft whisper came from the doorway of Annie and Kat's ( _soon to be only Kat's_ ) bedroom. Annie paused in her writing, sitting cross-legged on her bed, and lifted her head to look at Kat.

She was standing tensely, in her school uniform, nervously clutching her bookbag. For a moment she couldn't quite meet Annie's eyes, but when she finally did, Annie was taken aback by the intensity of her gaze.

"A moment please." She forced herself to tear her eyes away to finish writing her note. It was a short one -- she'd promised her trip would be quick, after all. She folded the paper and placed it and the pen inside her leather bag. She was glad she was traveling light and that she'd done her packing earlier; it would have been awkward to do that with Kat around. "I was in the Forest," she said and stood up to face Kat properly.

"I heard." She looked displeased.

"How?" Annie tilted her head. She'd come to learn the signs of her closing off, but she didn't fight it -- she needed to be as disconnected from her emotions as she could get to do this.

"I asked around." She didn't waver in her gaze.

"Oh." Annie looked off to the side.

"Annie..." Kat started and then frowned. Annie chanced a look and found her staring down at the floor. The girl shifted her eyes to look around, and then settled on Annie's bag. She startled and her eyes widened. "You're leaving?"

Annie would really miss clever Kat. "Yes."

"W-where?! Wait, is this about yesterday, because I didn't mean--" Kat had started panicking. That wouldn't do.

"No," she partially lied. "I had been considering it before."

"But why? Why now?" Kat's eyes were big and round and sad. She _really_ would miss Kat.

"I don't belong here."

"But-- Wha-what about me? What about Reynardine? What about--?"

"I've been a terrible friend to you, Kat. You will be better off without me, trust me. And Renard has agreed to come with me."

( _His eyes had been so full of devotion when he'd looked her in the eyes and said,_ "When I told you I would always stand by you, Antimony, I meant it." __)

"You can't be serious!" She slashed at the air with her hands and leaned forward, as if she could change Annie's mind through the sheer force of her feeling. Annie loved her all the more for it, and then immediately felt wretched for squandering that love. "Annie--"

But she'd made her decision.

She grabbed her bag and circled around Kat to get out.

Kat walked after her, her calls echoing off the metal walls. "Annie, wait! _Annie!_ This is just a misunderstanding, right? Annie!" Annie kept marching. She thought she heard Lindsey say something through her machine, but she paid it no more mind than that. She reached the lift, pressed the button to return to the ground level, and turned in time to see the doors close in front of Kat's devastated face.

It was better this way.

 

 

 

 

 

She hadn't wanted to take too much with her -- only some durable clothes, threads and needles, a pocket knife, her make-up and other little things that would be difficult to acquire in the Forest. She'd also brought the hat Kat had given her, and the group picture of her parents, not daring to part with them just yet. Coyote's tooth, she'd hidden inside Renard's body. He'd agreed to remain in his larger form until they found a safer place to hide it. She'd almost given it to Parley, to aid her in her desired rematch against Jeanne, but she figured there would be other opportunities in the future for that.

Parley and Smith were clever, and with Kat's aid they would figure out the way to release Jeanne from her supernatural prison. Annie would be there to help, too, when they confronted the ghost again.

And who knew -- maybe she would learn more about the Seed Bismuth in the Forest, and this time from creatures who weren't lying psychic wasps. It could happen.

Everything would be fine.

"Are you sure you don't want to--" Renard asked one more time.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"They will--"

"Jones knows and we can clear things up if they send someone after us."

"...Very well, then. "

Annie climbed on his back. He ran down the stairs, gained speed, and continued beyond the school's grounds.

The alarm blared briefly before it was turned off.

They crossed the bridge without interruptions.

She hadn't expected Jones to stop her ( _Even through inaction._ Especially _through inaction_.), but it was still nice to know she could count on her for this.

 

 

 

 

 

_Dear Jones,_

_I think 'Rob' might have been from the future, in which case the videogame 'SBURB' and its meteor-summoning abilities need to be stopped before they come true. It also might have been an alternate dimension, though. I'm sorry I didn't investigate this more thoroughly, but I suspect there wasn't much I could do about it in any case. This goes far beyond my capabilities, and I'm not too proud to admit it._

_I would consider it a personal favor if you continued to look after Shadow._

_I will miss you and I hope to see you again someday. Please don't hesitate to visit me in the forest should you ever want to._

_-Your friend,_

_Antimony Carver_

Jones put the letter down and mused on old names.

 

 

 

 

 

Years in the future, but not many, a warrior grows into a knight and meets a life-long companion. They fly over the skies and her heart soars free.

Too soon, her lover's powers fail for the first and last time in his life, and she dies fighting against the grief and rage-filled shade of a person.

The forest's medium arrives too late. She never leaves the forest again.

Diplomacy comes to a grinding halt.

 

 

 

 

 

A sentient stone looks on, asking herself if she should have intervened more, said a little more. All she ever does is observe.

Maybe it's time to try something new.

 

 

 

 

 

A cursed girl is trapped inside her cursed city, but this time not even her ( _best friend, beloved, prisoner, loyal companion_ ) savior can get her out.

She always knew she would die here, but that doesn't stop her from screaming as the spiders rush to cover her body.

 

 

 

 

 

In a forest, watching the chaos unfurl around him, a god wonders if poking at their neighboring worlds just to see what would happen had been a liiittle too much.

He laughs and shrugs. A fire head girl looks baffled and asks him what is the joke. Her time to pass on her flame is approaching, and she still refuses to find a mate to help her with the task.

She is difficult and stubborn, just like her mother, but that is why he loves her.

Not that he will ever tell her that -- leaving her guessing is half the fun of their game.

Watching the humans run around like headless chickens when their inventions inevitably explode in their faces is the other half.

 

 

 

 

 

Hidden from the world, a father accepts defeat.

 

 

 

 

 

A fire head girl finally sees what a wolf-who-forgot-how-to-be-a-wolf truly is like.

He accepts her comfort as he lays dying, his body drained and broken wood lying in splinters all around him.

His dear brother and friend, his old rival, nuzzles him, giving and taking forgiveness in equal measure.

He couldn't have asked for more.

( _He doesn't even realize that a god isn't there to see him pass away. Freedom is sweet._ )

 

 

 

 

 

A coyote howls at the moon and the forest mourns. He's not heartless.

 

 

 

 

 

A shade of rage and grief curses herself, curses her love, curses the spiteful little man who condemned her, and curses the entire damn world.

 

 

 

 

 

An angel sends flying eyes to look for her gone friend. They never make it pass the river.

She later discovers that time is much more malleable than whatever etheric forces protect the woods.

As her skill grows in leaps and bounds, she laughs at her past self for ever thinking Diego a genius.

 

 

 

 

 

The psychopomps look on and do their duty. The world continues to spin.


End file.
